How the Mighty Falls
by decadentserenity
Summary: Sesshomaru lets Rin go, but can he ever really let go? Complete oneshot.


(A/N: I read something similar to this after I had written my own. No infringement is intended.)

"Rin."

It was a statement, not a question. He had said her name enough times to know when he was calling for her and when she was in trouble. But this time- this time was different. There was a ribbon of apprehensiveness in Sesshomaru-sama's tone. After nearly ten years of travelling with him and Jaken-sama, she knew what time had come.

She was sixteen, a woman by anyone's standards. She had grown tall, standing only a head or so shorter than Sesshomaru-sama. Her hips had flared out, giving her body a beautiful curve. Her breasts had grown too- she always thought they were the perfect size. And her hair- she loved her hair. Long, thick and black, it was like silk from the finest kimono that hung from her head. She had turned a few heads in the villages they passed through.

A day or so before, they had passed a village. It wasn't large by any stretch of the imagination, but it was cheerful; its occupants all with a smile on their face. It seemed that human and youkai alike were welcome into the village. As the sun set and they were leaving the village, Sesshomaru-sama had looked over his shoulder at the village, and a studious look was set on his face.

Still, the thought of Sesshomaru leaving her hurt more than anything. Tenseiga had asked him to bring her back to life. Rin remembered very little about her parents before they were eaten by Kouga's wolves. But funnily enough, she counted Sesshomaru as her mother and father. While he didn't show much physical affection for her- no cuddles when she fell over, or goodnight kisses, or even a hug- he was always there for her. There were a few things that he unintentionally taught her, like being calm in adverse conditions, and determination to finish things once started.

She hurried over to where he was standing and stood next to him. They were camped at the shore of a small lake. The sun was setting, sprinkling its rays over the lake. A gentle and cool breeze flowed over them. Sesshomaru-sama stood there at the shore of the lake, his stance rigid in stark contrast to the wind blowing his hair in all directions. He looked every inch the powerful youkai. Rin could feel the tension in the air before he spoke. She knew what he was going to say before he said it. Palpable though the tension was, knowing he intended to leave her after today made the tension grow thick around her, choking her, turning her insides to ice.

"It's time, Rin."

She stared down at the small waves crashing against the shore. Her heart sank. She knew the time to leave was coming. With each year they travelled and with each village they passed, she knew that one day he would leave her.

"You know it must be. I can not take you with me any longer." His voice left no room for argument. It was flat and calm; the voice he always used. He could have told her to go take a bath, or find food. But again, she sensed a ribbon of something- regret, apprehension, or worry; or a combination of all three.

A tear formed in her eye and she took a deep breath. "I understand, Sesshomaru-sama."

"I spoke with the village chief this morning before you awoke. He has agreed to take you into his home."

"Thank you," she said, trying not to let the tears show. "For everything you've done, Sesshomaru-sama."

He turned and faced her, then took her by the shoulders and turned her until she faced him. His thumb came up and wiped the tears from her eyes. Her lip quivered and he put his finger over it to still it.

"I will escort you to the village in the morning. For now, go with Jaken to find some food for the two of you."

She went back to Ah-un, finding Jaken-sama sleeping beside her. The little toad was the source of great comic relief at times and knowledgeable in others. He was the one who taught her how to read and write in between moving from the Western Lands, where Sesshomaru-sama ruled, to the Northern and the Southern Lands. A tear slipped out on accident and she wiped it aside. No, it wouldn't be good to have Jaken-sama see her cry, though he would have had to know it was time for her to leave. She left him sleeping and went in search on her own for food.

Rin wandered deep into the nearby forest, searching for some berries, or perhaps some mushrooms to have with the fish she would catch later. A moment of searching later, she found a small berry bush. Just as she was finished picking, a hand knocked into hers. She gasped, falling back and landing on her backside. Her berries scattered themselves around her.

It was a young man. He smiled at her and she smiled back. He was very handsome with short black hair and deep cinnamon eyes. The smell of roasting meat clung to him. He held out a hand to help her up.

"I didn't mean to startle you." His voice held a smoothness to it that reminded her of a calm stream. It reminded her of Sesshomaru-sama's, but this boy's was filled with warmth and sincerity, while Sesshomaru-sama's was just flat and calm.

"That's alright," she said, taking his hand and then dusting herself off. "I was just collecting some berries for dinner."

"That's not all you're having for dinner, is it?" he asked, puzzled.

"No, Jaken-sama was going to help me catch a fish," she lied. Why did she feel nervous about being around this man? Her heart was thumping so hard Rin thought it might fall out of her chest. Certainly Sesshomaru-sama didn't make her feel this way. A shudder ran up her back.

"Oh! Are you cold? It is a bit breezy tonight," the young man said, rubbing his arms. "By the way, you aren't from the village, are you? I would certainly remember seeing you if you were. Someone as pretty as you would stand out."

Rin blushed. "No, I'm not. My travelling companions and I went through the village a day or so ago. But, I think…" she stopped herself, not wanting to reveal anything to this person. She didn't know him at all, and usually she was on her guard around humans, especially after being around youkai so long.

"You think… what? I heard in the village that there was going to be someone moving into the village chief's home. Are you her? The one that's travelling with the youkai?"

Rin nodded, ready to run back to Sesshomaru-sama in case this person meant her any harm. She was usually met with the ire of the villagers after they learned she was the companion of two youkai, one who passed for human, and the other who looked like a toad. Some times, the women thought she was Sesshomaru-sama's human lover and looked at her with disgust at her supposed betrayal at her own race. Others thought she was a slave and looked at her with pity. No one asked her though, but she heard them talk as she passed.

"My name is Kano."

Rin blushed and looked down. "Rin."

"Just 'Rin'? It's a pretty name." There was a moment of silence. It was uncomfortable. Rin wasn't sure if she should say anything. She let out a little giggle.

"I need to get back to Jaken-sama and Sesshomaru-sama," she said, turning around and running; her berries forgotten on the forest floor.

Sesshomaru was awake, standing near Ah-un. Rin was curled up next to Ah-un and Jaken. She looked peaceful. The young woman before him was much grown up. He hadn't taken much notice of her, save when she asked him a direct question, or talked to him directly. She had turned into a beautiful young woman, enough to tempt any man.

Or youkai, he thought.

It was hard not to notice her now. Her childishness had been left behind some years earlier when she came crying to him one afternoon screaming that she was dying. When asked why she thought that, she told him of great stomach pain and then turned around. On the back of her patterned kimono was a dark red stain. He had told her not to worry, that she wasn't dying; but he was lost for words as to tell her what was happening. Telling her that she had become a woman seemed too cold for her. She needed things explained properly and he knew he couldn't do it. They had travelled back to the nearest village and she had consulted with an old miko residing there. A fresh kimono later and a huge smile on her face, they set off again.

Sesshomaru knew the day was going to come when she would start her menses, as all women do. He read her face as she returned from the old miko and saw the awe and wonder of what she was, and what she was now capable of. Figuring the feminine talk was taken care of, he went on as before, not giving her puberty another thought.

But Rin had continued to blossom right under his nose. He hadn't noticed it until last year when he caught her taking a dip in the river- how the water came up only to her hips. She turned slightly to the side, and he saw the curve of her breast. Ashamed of himself for even thinking of her as a woman, he stamped down his growing desire for her. No, she had to leave.

This Sesshomaru will not be tempted by a human, he scolded himself.

He justified her leaving to himself saying she was still too young to leave at a village when she first told him of her "dying". He wanted her to be capable of taking care of herself, and at eleven, she was nowhere near it. Now, she was. Now, she was of a marriageable age, where she could find a husband to take care of her.

The smell of dawn woke him from his thoughts. A dove grey sky greeted him as he looked up. His mood felt as sombre as the sky- lonely, without light, with only a wisp of life. Small pink fingers of sunrise peeked over the horizon, wondering if it was okay to come out.

Today, he would leave Rin behind. He had spoken with Jaken a few weeks ago to gauge his reaction. He said exactly what Sesshomaru thought- the youkai world was too dangerous for a human girl. He could not afford to always keep her safe. He could not marry her off to gain land or power, as a human lord could do- not that he wanted any more land or power. He could not take her as a lover, nor a bride, as it would weaken his own power base in his own lands. And he would not be like that half-breed, dirty-blood brother of his either. She was a liability in every sense of the word. As much as he hated to admit it, Jaken could be very wise.

And so, the decision was made. Rin had seemed to take it in stride. She was intelligent. She would have known that the day to leave him was coming.

Though, something bothered him about leaving her at the village. It was something he couldn't quite put his finger on. There was a mixed feeling of worry and hesitation about leaving her there. It certainly would be in her best interests. She would be with her own kind; she could develop as a human, not as a youkai's hanger-on; she would find someone to marry, and procreate with.

Why did that bother him? He stamped down the bothersome thought.

Rin stirred in her sleep and cuddled closer with Jaken and Ah-un. He was reminded of something his father, the Inutaisho, once told him regarding his own human lover: be prepared for the repercussions. The Inutaisho suffered those repercussions. Sesshomaru was determined not to share the same fate as his father.

He calmly stood by the shore of the lake, looking over it towards the west. He would be returning soon, without Rin. She had provided a lighter side to his journey, filled it with laughter, and little games, though they were largely for her own benefit to keep her from becoming bored. The girl required little in the way of discipline. Those games were gone, but still, her presence afforded a small measure of light-heartedness.

He heard Jaken let out a screech as Rin rolled over on him. Today, he would leave her. Today was the beginning of her life without him, and his life without her.

As he left her at the village, he placed one hand over her heart. "If you ever need me, just call. I will know where you are and I will come."

_--50 years later.--_

"You came," the old woman rasped out. "I knew you would."

Sesshomaru stood in the doorway of the large hut, aware of all the eyes of the village on him. He could smell their anxiety, taste their fear on the back of his tongue like a fine wine. The only one who wasn't afraid was the old woman.

He knew her as soon as he saw her. Though time had taken its toll on her once-delicate features, and the disease ravaged her body, he knew her as if he had only seen her yesterday.

Rin.

She was thin, too thin. Her hands were only skin and bone. The skin hung off her arm. Her bright eyes were now dull with death looming over them, though he saw a sparkle in them as he walked closer and bent down to sit next to her.

"In my whole life, I have only called on you six times. Once at my wedding, twice at the birth of my children, once at my husband's death, once at my son's death, and now, my own. I am glad you are here, Sesshomaru-sama."

"You have heard that Jaken has since died?"

"He died a few years after my son, in the same war."

She held out her hand and he took it. Her skin felt as cold as ice, and she let out a horrible cough.

Sesshomaru had been speaking with his brother and his brother's miko, Kagome, about their rights to the Western Land when he had heard Rin call for him. From where he was, it took two days to reach her. He knew this would be the last call that she would make to him. He thought back on her reasons for calling to him in the past.

Three days before her marriage, she called, to share her happy news. Two years later, she was in the forest, separated from everyone else, and went into labour- again she called for him. Five years after that, she called for him again- this time, for her son's birth. Eighteen years later, for her husband's burial. Another two after that for her son's.

And now, her own death was impending. The people that were lingering in the doorway had disappeared. He and Rin were alone. Sadness flooded him for the first time, and it scared him, which was another emotion he rarely experienced. He was very attached to Rin, though only Jaken knew how attached he was to the young human.

"Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Yes?"

"Did you ever regret leaving me here? Did you ever think of keeping me with you?"

The question threw him off. He looked down at her, then at the floor. "There were times when I thought it would tear me apart, Rin. I do not regret many things, but leaving you here was one of them. The journey back was awkward without your presence."

"And if I had stayed, do you think we could have been together, like your brother and his miko?" Another terrible cough filled the hut.

The very thought of InuYasha and the miko was enough to make his blood boil. But this was Rin. She was dying, and he could afford to give her honesty before she died. It would certainly make his feelings towards her known. Yes, he did regret leaving her here, but could he have taken her as a lover?

Truth, Sesshomaru-sama. Tell her the truth.

"Yes. I would like to think I could have taken you as a lover, a partner and an equal. I will admit, Rin, that I struggled to forget you after I left you here, but I couldn't. After you called me the first time, I realised then, that I had regretted leaving you here. But you were happy with your choice of mate, and I was happy for you."

It hurt bringing these feelings into the open, especially with Rin. No, regret wasn't something he was used to. Feeling as he was- with sadness, regret, anger at himself- it hurt. His heart ached with it. But Rin seemed almost at ease with the answer, as though she somehow knew he would say it.

"Sesshomaru-sama, I know it was hard to say that; thank you for being so honest with me. But I do not regret my life here. I can not take it back. I do love you, though. I thought of you all the time." Her hacking cough filled the house again, this time, spatters of blood covered her blanket.

"Can you do me a favour?" she asked a moment later, after Sesshomaru wiped her mouth.

"Certainly," he said, his face grave.

"Can I see you smile? Never in my life have I seen you smile."

For the moments after she asked that question, he felt true sadness. He smiled for her, a genuine smile that he had longed to show her. It held all the emotion of a man changed by fate when a little girl had shown up to bring him food, and bring a semblance of peace to his life. It was a smile that held the pride of a father at his daughter, and a man proud of his mate.

She smiled back at him.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama. For everything you've done for me." She squeezed his hand and looked him in the eye. He heard the beat of her heart slow and she smiled. He felt her grip go slack and the last breath rush out of her lungs.

Rin was buried the next day near the lake at sunset. It was where Rin had spent the last night in Sesshomaru's company. He stood apart from the rest of the village, preferring to remain alone during this time. His heart felt heavy, like a great weight had pressed on it. There had been one other time, and that was when Jaken died. As annoying as he could be, Jaken had been one of the only beings Sesshomaru considered a friend. The weight wasn't nearly as pronounced as now, but it had been there. He normally felt no sadness for anyone or anything, and he did not keep many things close to his heart.

Rin was the exception. His life had been turned around by her. While he still shunned humans and did not like them at all, Rin was the only human he ever cared for. He was on his own. That in itself should not have bothered him, but it did. He had been alone before Jaken. He had been alone after Jaken died. He was a solitary being by nature, but people tended to cling to him. While he put on a retiring and friendless face, he did find he could tolerate certain people. Jaken was one of them. Rin was the other, and now, no one else could match what measure of calm they had instigated in his life. They had a presence which no one else could match or fill. And Sesshomaru didn't want it filled by anyone else.

He looked down at Tenseiga, the sword which he hated with a passion, and silently willed it to pulse. The sword did not. It had granted life back to Rin before, but it could not do it again. He understood at least something- that she had been too sick to revive. To bring her back now would only ensure her continued suffering at the disease within her body. She was at peace now, and Sesshomaru found himself alone in a tempest of emotions.

A young woman who looked vaguely like Rin, and about as young as she was when Sesshomaru left, broke apart from the crowd of villagers and made her way to him at the edge of the forest, overlooking the lake. She didn't say a word for a long moment, but she spoke.

"She talked often of you."

"Did she?"

"Yes," the young woman said. "Obachan said that you once brought her back to life."

Sesshomaru nodded, wondering where this was going.

"She also said that while she was happy she met Ojiichan, she always thought about you, wondering what you were doing and where you were going, who you were meeting and if you ever thought about her."

"Minako!" A woman, in her prime, who had to be Rin's daughter, was calling for the young woman standing beside him. "Come home for dinner!"

"I'm coming!" She turned back to Sesshomaru. "Anyway, I thought you should know that she did speak of you often, and highly too. I know it sounds silly, but if you are ever in need, please come here. We will look after you."

He nodded at the girl, Minako, who gave him a quick, but spontaneous hug. "You made her final moments happy. Thank you."

She ran off through the forest, waving back at him. He inclined his head towards her.

You are becoming soft, Sesshomaru-sama, he said to himself as he watched the young woman run back to the village.

He sat at the edge of the lake against a tree, thinking about going back to his brother and his human mate. The miko was lucky. In her mating with the hanyou, her lifespan had increased dramatically. He needed to return to them. He was not through with discussing their rights within his lands. As much as he hated InuYasha, they were brothers. InuYasha was next in line after him.

Sesshomaru would say goodbye to Rin, and return to the half-breed. Standing, he made his way to the grave. The loneliness and sadness he felt increased as he came closer to the grave. His heart ached painfully. This was not a familiar emotion. He was not used to feeling sad. Memories flooded his mind: bringing Rin back to life, saving her from Kagura and Kohaku, falling off a cliff while searching for a herb for Jaken, and her last request.

She wanted to see him smile. And he smiled for her. He was proud. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was very proud of her, for everything. He had kept up with her, even though she never knew it. Anytime one of his vassals went through the village, he brought back news of Rin to Sesshomaru. He knew more about her life that she would have thought.

Memories of Rin. Everywhere. All through his mind. Flashing pictures of her smiling face as a girl, her worry that she was dying, her smile and her tears as he touched her heart and told her to call for him if ever she needed him. Her marriage. Her two children and her happiness at their births. Her pain-ravaged face at her husband's and son's burials. Her own state just before she died. The last smile she gave him, which was only for him.

Staring down at the mound of earth where Rin was buried, Sesshomaru fell to his knees, and cried.


End file.
